Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence", can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological, and encompasses actions or threats of actions that influence another person with behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound. It can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender, within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Victims of domestic abuse may also include a child, other relative or any other household member. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels. Incidents are rarely isolated and usually escalate in frequency and severity, sometimes culminating in serious physical injury or death.
Domestic violence not only affects those who are abused but also has a substantial effect on family members, friends, co-workers, other witnesses and the community at large. Children who grow up witnessing domestic violence are among those seriously affected by this crime. Frequent exposure to violence in the home not only predisposes children to numerous social and physical problems but also teaches them that violence is a normal way of life, therefore increasing their risk of becoming society's next generation of victims and abusers.
Discussion of domestic violence is intended to educate the public about the dynamics of abuse in intimate partner relationships, as well as to help victims understand their experience and to assist family and friends of victims in recognizing signs of abuse in the relationships of their loved ones.
What can get lost in all of this is how intimate violence may change something very fundamental: how people see themselves and the world. Individuals who have survived intimate violence perpetrated by people they knew, loved and depended upon share many of the same traumas. The dynamics of such betrayal traumas, along with common myths about intimate violence, can result in survivors blaming themselves, feeling shame about what was done to them and feeling profoundly disconnected from themselves and others.
Understanding the impact that intimate violence can have on survivors’ beliefs about themselves and the world can help us respond in more helpful (and less harmful) ways when people disclose victimization. Each of us can encourage survivors to trust their own perceptions and judgments and we should reflect on the intense pressure that survivors can feel to engage with abusers, even when they do not want to. That is where trusting oneself can be so important, in this case, trusting oneself to know one’s own boundaries. As friends and loved ones, we can play a pivotal role in encouraging and supporting survivors to listen to themselves about what they want and need on the path to healing. Of course, we can take other actions too, such as providing practical support to survivors and advocating for social change to prevent intimate violence in the first place.
Here are four articles for further reading:
“6 Ways People Excuse Toxic Behavior,” Psychology Today, Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, reviewed by Ekua Hagan, posted April 3, 2023,
“How Culture Impacts the Decision to Leave Abusive Marriages”, Psychology Today, Reviewed by Kaia Perina, Posted July 19, 2023,
“Stockholm Syndrome: Why Some People Bond with Abusive Partners”, Llewellyn E. van Zyl, Ph.D., Reviewed by Devon Frye, Posted August 14, 2023,
“What is Domestic Violence?”, The Center for Family Justice,
“Intimate Partner Violence”, Medline Plus,
“Domestic Violence”, safehorizon,
Here are today’s Wellness Wednesday Program book suggestions:
